Black and White Thinking

Do you ever feel like everything is either amazing or terrible, with no middle ground? Like if you mess up one small thing, the entire day is ruined? Or if someone doesn’t text back quickly, they must be mad at you? Welcome to black and white thinking — where your brain sorts the world into neat categories of “all good” or “all bad.”

This is super common among neurodivergent folks, especially when we’re stressed, tired, or dealing with change. It’s like your brain’s way of trying to make sense of a complicated world by creating simple rules.

You might recognise this pattern in thoughts like:

• “If I can’t do it perfectly, what’s the point?” — Why try if you’re not going to be the best?
• “They took a while to respond — they obviously hate me” — No other explanation makes sense in the moment
• “I’m terrible at everything” — One mistake means you’re a complete failure
• “This always happens to me” — Pattern recognition gone a bit overboard

Here’s the thing: black and white thinking isn’t a character flaw or something you need to feel ashamed about. Often, it’s your brain trying to protect you by creating predictable rules in an unpredictable world. When everything feels overwhelming, extremes can feel safer than uncertainty.

The goal isn’t to completely stop thinking this way — that’s probably not realistic anyway. It’s more about catching yourself when it happens and gently asking, “Is there maybe a middle ground here?” Sometimes there is, sometimes there isn’t, and both are okay.

Be patient with yourself as you notice these patterns. Your brain is doing its best to keep you safe, even when it feels exhausting.