Emotional Labour

Have you ever found yourself smiling through a conversation when you’re actually exhausted? Or spent energy calming someone else down while your own stress levels are through the roof? Or felt like you’re constantly performing “fine” even when you’re anything but?

Welcome to the world of emotional labour — the often invisible work of managing feelings (yours and others’) to keep social situations running smoothly.

Here’s what emotional labour actually looks like:

• Putting on a cheerful face when you’re having a terrible day
• Staying “professional” while dealing with sensory overload
• Managing other people’s comfort by hiding your own discomfort
• Pretending to understand social cues that make no sense to you
• Swallowing your real reactions to avoid making things “awkward”
• Constantly scanning the room to gauge how your behaviour is landing

For neurodivergent people, this can be particularly exhausting. You might be managing sensory overwhelm while also trying to appear calm. Or translating your natural communication style into something more “socially acceptable.” Or spending enormous energy just trying to figure out the unspoken rules of any given situation.

The tricky thing about emotional labour is that it’s often invisible — both to others and sometimes even to yourself. It just feels like “being polite” or “getting through the day.” But it takes real energy, and when it’s constant, it can lead to burnout, resentment, or feeling completely disconnected from who you really are.

Recognising emotional labour isn’t about becoming selfish or difficult. It’s about understanding the real cost of constant adaptation, so you can make more conscious choices about when it’s worth it and when you might need to protect your energy or find spaces where you can be more authentically yourself.