Misunderstood Competence

Misunderstood competence is when other people get the wrong idea about how capable someone is — usually because they’re only seeing part of the picture.

This can go in either direction:

• Someone appears very capable, so their struggles are dismissed or ignored
• Someone appears to struggle, so their true abilities are overlooked

It’s a common experience for neurodivergent people — especially those who mask, have spiky profiles, or don’t fit the usual mould.

What it looks like

• A student excels in class discussions but freezes during tests
• An employee seems organised but collapses from burnout after masking all day
• A quiet person is assumed to lack ability, when they just need a different environment to shine

These mismatches often lead to frustration, missed support, or even self-doubt.

Why it matters

When someone’s competence is misunderstood:

• They might not get the help they actually need
• They may be pushed too far, or not challenged at all
• They’re more likely to experience burnout, shame, or imposter syndrome

Everyone benefits when we stop assuming based on surface impressions — and instead, ask what someone really needs to succeed.