Misunderstood Competence

Misunderstood competence is when people get the wrong idea about what you’re actually capable of — usually because they’re only seeing part of who you are.

This can happen in two frustrating ways:

• You seem really capable at some things, so people assume you’re fine with everything (and dismiss your real struggles)
• You struggle with certain things, so people underestimate what you can actually do

If you’re neurodivergent, this probably sounds very familiar — especially if you mask, have uneven abilities, or just don’t fit people’s expectations.

What this actually looks like

• You’re brilliant in class discussions but completely freeze during tests
• You seem super organised at work, but you’re actually exhausted from masking and about to burn out
• People assume you’re not very capable because you’re quiet, when really you just need the right environment to show what you can do

Sound familiar? These mismatches can leave you feeling frustrated, unsupported, and questioning your own abilities.

Why this matters so much

When your competence is misunderstood:

• You might not get the support you actually need
• People might push you way too hard, or not challenge you enough
• You’re more likely to burn out, feel ashamed, or develop imposter syndrome

The truth is, everyone benefits when we stop making assumptions based on what we see on the surface. Instead, we need to ask what you actually need to do your best work and feel genuinely supported.