People Pleasing & Fawning

People pleasing is when you regularly put everyone else’s needs before your own, often because you’re trying to avoid conflict, rejection, or that awful feeling of being a burden to others.

Fawning goes even deeper than this — it’s actually a nervous system survival response, just like fight, flight, or freeze. When you’re fawning, you’re automatically trying to keep yourself safe by making sure others are happy with you.

You might recognise these patterns in yourself:

• Saying yes when every part of you wants to say no
• Apologizing constantly, even for things that aren’t your fault
• Avoiding any kind of disagreement or conflict, no matter how small
• Being overly helpful or accommodating to make sure people like you
• Finding it really hard to express your own needs or admit when you’re uncomfortable

If you’re neurodivergent, especially if you’ve been masking for years, people pleasing might feel completely automatic by now. It becomes a way to:

• Avoid being singled out, criticized, or misunderstood
• Smooth over moments when you’re socially confused or lost
• Protect yourself against rejection, conflict, or triggering situations
• Feel safer in environments that feel unpredictable or overwhelming

This isn’t about you being weak or manipulative — it’s your nervous system trying to keep you safe.

Fawning is especially common if you have a history of trauma or a highly sensitive nervous system. It’s your body’s way of saying, “If I make myself small and keep everyone else happy, maybe I’ll be safe.”

Please know that recognising these patterns in yourself isn’t about shame or self-judgment. It’s about developing awareness — so you can slowly start to set boundaries, reconnect with your own needs and feelings, and find ways to feel safe without erasing yourself in the process.