Internalised Ableism

Have you ever caught yourself thinking “I shouldn’t need help with this” or “everyone else manages fine, what’s wrong with me?” If so, you might be experiencing internalised ableism — and it’s more common than you might think.

Internalised ableism happens when we absorb and believe negative messages about disability or neurodivergence, often without even realising it. It’s not a character flaw or something you’ve chosen — it’s the result of living in a world that has been sending you subtle (and not-so-subtle) messages about what’s “normal” or “acceptable” your whole life.

You might recognise these thoughts:

• “I should be able to cope better than this”
• “If I just tried harder, I wouldn’t struggle so much”
• “I don’t want to be seen as ‘one of those’ disabled people”
• “Maybe I’m just being dramatic or making excuses”
• “Everyone else seems to manage just fine”

For neurodivergent people, internalised ableism often shows up as pushing yourself beyond your limits, feeling guilty for needing accommodations, or avoiding diagnosis because you don’t want the “label.” You might find yourself masking constantly, believing that your natural way of being is somehow wrong or unacceptable.

Here’s the hard truth: these beliefs didn’t come from nowhere. They’ve been shaped by years of messages from schools that punished difference, workplaces that demanded conformity, families who meant well but didn’t understand, and a society that still treats disability as something to hide or overcome.

Recognising internalised ableism can feel overwhelming at first. You might feel angry at the systems that taught you to see yourself this way, or sad about the years spent fighting against your own nature. Those feelings are completely valid.

But awareness is also the first step toward freedom. When you can spot those ableist thoughts, you can start to question them: “Is this actually true, or is this something I was taught to believe?” “Whose voice am I hearing when I tell myself I’m not trying hard enough?”

You deserve accommodation, support, and understanding — not because you’ve earned it, but because you’re human. Your brain works differently, and that’s not something to fix or hide. It’s something to understand, work with, and ultimately celebrate.