Masking

Masking is when you hide, adjust, or suppress parts of yourself to fit in with what’s expected of you. If you’re neurodivergent, chances are you’ve done this without even realising it.

Most of us learn to mask over time, especially after experiences where being ourselves led to criticism, weird looks, or feeling left out. It often happens automatically — like a protective reflex you’ve developed.

Masking might involve:

• Forcing eye contact even when it feels uncomfortable
• Hiding stims (like fidgeting, rocking, or repeating sounds)
• Smiling, laughing, or reacting “appropriately” even when it feels forced
• Mimicking others’ social cues or speech patterns
• Avoiding talking about special interests or areas of difficulty

Masking can help you get through work, school, or social situations — but it comes at a real cost. You might find yourself feeling:

• Absolutely exhausted, even after “easy” days
• Like you’re performing rather than just being yourself
• Confused about who you really are underneath it all
• More likely to burn out, melt down, or completely shut down

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not imagining it. Masking is genuinely draining work.

Masking is especially common if you were diagnosed later in life, or if you grew up learning that being different wasn’t safe. This often affects women, trans people, and people of colour more intensely — groups who’ve faced extra pressure to “fit in” or stay small.

There’s no shame in recognizing that you’ve been masking. You did what you needed to do to survive and belong. Now it’s about understanding those patterns — and deciding when and how you want to show up more authentically. Take your time with this. You get to choose.