Unmasking

If you’ve spent years carefully monitoring your behaviour, suppressing natural responses, or performing a version of yourself that feels more “acceptable” to others, you know how exhausting masking can be. Unmasking is the process of gradually — and safely — letting go of those learned behaviours to live more authentically.

For many neurodivergent people, unmasking isn’t just about comfort. It’s about reclaiming parts of themselves they’ve hidden or lost touch with after years of adaptation.

Understanding what masking really costs

Before diving into unmasking, it’s important to acknowledge what masking has meant for you. You probably developed these strategies for good reasons:

Survival and safety: Maybe you learned early that being your authentic self led to rejection, punishment, or exclusion.

Social acceptance: You might have discovered that mimicking others’ behaviours helped you fit in, even if it felt unnatural.

Professional success: Perhaps you found that suppressing stims, forcing eye contact, or hiding your true communication style made work easier.

Avoiding judgment: You may have learned to mask to prevent others from seeing you as “weird,” “difficult,” or “different.”

These adaptations served a purpose, and there’s no shame in having developed them. But they also come with costs — exhaustion, anxiety, burnout, loss of identity, and difficulty accessing support when you need it.

What unmasking can look like

Unmasking is deeply personal and looks different for everyone. It might involve:

Sensory authenticity:

• Allowing yourself to stim when you need to
• Wearing comfortable clothes instead of what’s expected
• Using accommodations like headphones or sunglasses
• Taking sensory breaks without apologizing

Communication changes:

• Speaking more directly or literally
• Asking for clarification when you need it
• Using your natural volume and tone
• Taking time to process before responding

Social boundaries:

• Saying no to draining social activities
• Limiting small talk if it’s exhausting
• Choosing social activities that genuinely interest you
• Being honest about your energy levels

Emotional expression:

• Allowing yourself to feel and express emotions naturally
• Stopping forced smiles or responses
• Acknowledging when you’re overwhelmed
• Expressing excitement or special interests openly

The complicated reality of unmasking

Unmasking isn’t simply about “being yourself” — it’s more nuanced than that. You might find that:

Safety considerations matter: You may choose to unmask only in certain settings or with trusted people while maintaining some masking behaviours in less safe environments.

It can feel vulnerable: After years of hiding parts of yourself, being authentic can feel scary and uncertain.

Others might react: Some people in your life may be confused or uncomfortable with changes in your behaviour.

You might question yourself: You may wonder which behaviours are “really you” versus learned adaptations.

It’s not all or nothing: You might choose to unmask in some areas while maintaining helpful social skills in others.

Creating safety for your unmasking journey

Unmasking works best when you have support and safety:

Start small and safe: Begin unmasking in low-stakes situations with people you trust.

Build your support network: Connect with other neurodivergent people who understand your journey.

Practice self-compassion: Be patient with yourself as you rediscover who you are underneath years of masking.

Set boundaries: You don’t owe anyone explanations for your authentic behaviour.

Seek professional support: Therapists familiar with neurodivergence can help navigate this process.

Unmasking is not about being inconsiderate

There’s a misconception that unmasking means abandoning all social awareness or consideration for others. This isn’t true. Unmasking is about:

• Dropping performative behaviours that drain you
• Accessing accommodations you need
• Expressing yourself authentically within your values
• Stopping the constant monitoring and adjustment of your natural responses

You can be authentic while still being kind, respectful, and considerate of others.

Rediscovering yourself

Many people find that unmasking is like meeting themselves for the first time. You might discover:

• Interests and preferences you’d suppressed
• Natural ways of moving and expressing yourself
• Communication styles that feel more genuine
• Sensory needs you’d been ignoring
• Emotions you’d been muting

This rediscovery can be both exciting and overwhelming. Be gentle with yourself through this process.

Your authenticity matters

You have the right to exist comfortably in your own body and mind. Your natural ways of being, communicating, and experiencing the world are valid. While the world may not always understand or accommodate neurodivergent experiences, that doesn’t make your authentic self any less valuable.

Unmasking is ultimately about honoring who you are beneath all the adaptations. It’s about choosing yourself, even when that feels risky. And while it’s not always easy, many people find it’s one of the most healing things they can do for themselves.